Yullen CRACKED Chronicle :: YW2010 Diary
by Baniita
Summary: Kanda/Allen. Entries for the unofficial 2010 Yullen week! Check details in Yullen Pride forum. Seven themes. Crackified version.


**{ SKY :: Cracked }**

_BOOM BOOM CRASH._

"What the FUCK WAS THAT?" a Japanese man yelled angrily in the crowded arcade.

"Well, I'm SO sorry you were in my way, BaKanda! I told you to stay at least 5 metres away from my fighter jet, but NOOO! Instead, you had to FOLLOW me around like a lost kid-" a strange boy with #FFFFFF coloured hair flailed.

"Lost kid? LOST KID? Oh, don't even get me started! YOU got lost on the way here, and we missed the 4 o'clock showing of Iron Man 2!"

Allen looked genuinely sorry for that. "W-Well, I'm sorry! BUT, you were the one who gave me those faulty directions! And honestly, you told me to look for a Starbucks, but they're everywhere!"

"I said TIM HORTONS, you moronic old man!" Kanda said as he slid another token in a Soul Calibur fighting game. However, he accidentally chose Setsuka as his fighter because of a retardation in the buttons. _( A Japanese woman in a kimono with a paper umbrella thing as a weapon... )_

"No you didn't! You said Starbucks!" Allen yelled, also accidentally choosing Ivy. _( A kinky white-haired body-suit wearer who fights with a sword whip. Very difficult to fight with. )_ Both of them were so busy bickering they failed to notice their selection in avatars... And Kanda let his character jump off the ledge into the clock tower's deep depths...

"I specifically remember saying PAST the Starbucks-"

"Uncle, is that what marriage is like?" a little boy of nine asked worriedly, holding his brother's hand in one, and pointing at the pair with the other.

Both the teenagers and said uncle flushed. The man quickly apologized and slid away with his nephew.

"...ANYWAY," Allen said awkwardly. "As I was going to say, next time steer your fighter jet AWAY from mine! You pollute the virtual skies with your mere presence."

"Please, you just crashed into me because you were losing," Kanda accused, putting Allen into a side throw.

"ME? Losing? Hello! You were the one shooting the targets you weren't supposed to! All those demerits put ME on top!"

"You'll never be top. And I'll shoot all the naked parachuting grannies I want." Kanda landed a move with his umbrella flaming, and K.O'd the boy, sending them to the final round.

Allen was flustered at first, but chose to ignore the first comment. "May Wendy Oldbag haunt you." _( Fearful old lady from the Ace Attorney game series. )_

Kanda shuddered at the thought.

And then he was K.O.'d as Allen managed to activate a complicated multi-button throw he knew for some odd reason.

Allen burst into evil laughter.

Kanda decided next time he'd beat the boy's ass into the ground with Yoshimitsu with the unlockable giant squid. _( A funny-looking swordsman with cool but weird moves. INSANELY difficult to fight with. Honestly. )_

"Fine, then I challenge you to a rematch!"

"No."

"...What? Coward," the Japanese smirked.

"No, I challenge you to a dance-off first."

"You're on. H-HEY! You are NOT picking a ballad!" Kanda warned as Allen scrolled through the songs list.

"We're NOT playing DDR to some metallica song with lyrics I can't even understand!" Allen argued.

"Hey guys, there's a line! Just hurry up and then find a marriage counselour, will you?" a stranger yelled.

They both sputtered inconphrehensibilities. Boy, that's a long not-word.

And so they settled with the "random" button: and up came "Everytime We Touch". The Japanese man groaned in annoyance.

"Set your conditions."

"Loser has to watch the new Twilight movie. With a squealing fangirl," Allen proposed, smiling ever so serenely. Some of the people in the background laughed their asses off, and some seemed offended and insisted who-and-who was hot.

Kanda snickered darkly, "then prepare to eat some shitty sparkling vampire sawdust."

And needless to say, they drew a crowd with their competitiveness. Allen showed off his acrobatics and timing, and Kanda his co-ordination and precision... Each seemed to have their own side of the crowd cheering for them.

**_"Every time we touch, I get this feeling-"_**

Well, Kanda got this feeling he was going to gag.

**_"Every time we touch, I swear I can fly!"_**

And Allen did, as if on cue-he manipulated his movements, hand held onto a railing so that he seemed to stay in the air for many seconds, which earned him many awed gasps. He was graceful, he was beautiful...

However, Kanda made use of his long hair, and let it loose as he dove his hand down to hold the left button. Many girls swooned at the sight, and their attention was focused on the asian.

Allen scowled.

The next song, Kumi Koda's "Butterfly" played as they "strut their fantastically gay moves" on the platform.

And finally, they finished to MIKA's "Grace Kelly", another wonderfully gay song:  
"I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet SKY~"

But as much cheering as both recieved, it had become a tie.

Kanda had gotten more points, but his moves were too manly to appeal to guys. He won the hearts of well over half the girls, though. His timing was perfect.

However, Allen had won over both genders as he faked unnecessary tears at "Butterfly" for dramatic effect. Most of the guys there were turned gay, like, almost instantly, and girls were fainting and stuff. His dancing was so damn adrodynously sexy, it was unfair.

...

Neither were satisfied.

Allen dramatically pointed, "FINE! We'll settle this via that fighter plane game!"

"We shall indeed."

Their eyes sparked like tazers aimed at eachother.

The crowd ooh'd and ahh'd, and followed.

_**/GAME START/**_

A commentator cleared his throat, "aaannd here we are! The Fierce Gent of Insane Self-Proclaimed Tallness (Allen) dives right into the CO2 polluted skies! Followed by the Disco Tramurinja of the 1970's (Kanda)!

Allen yelled insistently, "the screen name does not lie! I am tall!"

"Yeah, for a tree stump," Kanda added sarcastically, earning a kick on his side.

"The Gentmeister tries to stay ahead to steal as many points as-and oof! He hits a dead baby!"

"NOOOO!" Allen yelled in agony.

"Gent's down to 14056 points, while Trammy here's steadily climbing and is already at 16244! Fret not, little old man, there's still time!"

Kanda smirked.

"I'm not little or old, darn it!"

"Shorty's firing furiously, and his accuracy's increasing! He's hit three siamese zombie twins now, earning him enough bonus to surpass the asian girly-guy by about 600 points! Hey, stop shooting the poor grannies! They're dropping their picnic baskets...!"

"Shut up!" the Japanese demanded. "I'll shoot them and still win!"

"And now-There's three minutes left on the clock, who will prevail...?"

"Ah! The tramurinja has shot a Thriller zombie, earning him 2000 points! This puts Allen behind at 21805 points!"

Allen bit his lip.

"Holy crap...! What's this? There's a giant air craft following behind them...! And in it... There's a fat top-hat wearing man?

"**I'M NOT FAT.** /Heart" the NPC roared.

"Hey, he said it, not us!" Kanda gestured.

But it didn't matter, because the Earl was already charging his laz0rz.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit...!" the commentator rambled, and the crowd watched intently.

An in-game voice announced: "**IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZERRRRRR!**"

There was a bright light, a stupid face, and then a black screen.

...

"**GAME OVER.**"

"NOOOO!" Allen screamed.

"This game is rigged. RIGGED!" Kanda yelled as he stood up to throw things at the screen.

The commentator and crowd just stared blankly.

. /

_MUNCH MUNCH CRUNCH MUNCH MUNCH._

"Oi, stop chewing so damn loud! I can't hear Tony Stark's snidy remarks!"

"I will enjoy my popcorn as I like it, Kanda. Like it matters. This scene has no talking from gay welding men or whiny secretaries." Ahh, yes. Allen was still sulking because he didn't win. Neither of them won.

"You're still ruining the moment, bitch."

"Hey, guys! Stop talking!"

"Yeah, Kanda. Stop talking," Allen said, tossing some of his popcorn at the other man.

Kanda growled. 


End file.
